Lie To Me

Dishonesty. It's such a funny thing.

To me, lying is not such a black-and-white issue. There are a lot of grey areas hidden all over. I blame Miss Manners for that one! Have you ever eaten something that someone has made especially for you and it just tastes HORRIBLE? Do you tell them that? Do you try to be polite and say you like it, all the while eating as little as possible or pretending not to be hungry?

Face it: Sometimes we just tell people what we think they want to hear.

Kids seem to pick up on this skill pretty early on. When they begin lying, they are really just telling you what they think is the 'right' answer. They haven't necessarily picked up on the art of deception just yet, they just know that it makes their mom or dad happy to hear that they finished their dinner or picked up their toys. They have figured out that the answer brings praise, only it hasn't occured to them that the action needs to fit the answer or the praise will turn to punishment.

Did that make any sense at all?

This brings me to last night's conversation with 4YO. (Yes, she has turned FOUR now since my last entry.) She and her sister were eating burritos. 6YO finished hers, like always. 4YO began asking for an orange. I asked her if she finished her burrito. Her answer was, "Yes." She than dug herself into a hole when she said, "I'm full with the burrito." That always means that she DIDN'T, in fact, finish the burrito. She just didn't want anymore and wanted to move onto something else. While I'm not one to force children to eat when they are not hungry, I'm doing my best not to let half my pantry get tossed in the garbage out of sheer disinterest.

I explained to her that, if she still had room for an orange, then she must still have a bit of room to finish that burrito first. She looked as if she was getting my point and went back to the table. However, the next thing I heard was the slap of the trash can lid and the the clomp of her plate being dropped into the sink. She then came back to me and told me her burrito was finished and asked if she could have an orange now.

"Did you eat the whole burrito?"

After a moment of hesitation, she said, "Yeah."

I then looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Really? You ate the WHOLE THING?"

"I ate the last bite. Then I threw the rest away."

"If you had any left to throw away, then you certainly didn't eat the last bite. Now, did YOU finish your burrito?" This whole time I'm starting straight into her eyes and she's starting to look more and more uncomfortable. I just had to hear her give me a straight answer, truth or not. We would deal with that answer when I got one.

After a few more moments of a staredown, I could practically hear the gears turning in her head as she came up with the 'right' answer to this one, she gave me an answer.

"No. I didn't eat the whole thing."

It was like something was 'clicking' in her mind...if that makes any sense. My normally argumentative child was calm and seemed to completely understand what I was getting at. I told her she couldn't have an orange and that she was done eating for the rest of the night. (It was 7:30 at night...so don't go calling Child Protective Services on me or anything!) For the first time, there was no dispute from her. She accepted my answer and went to sit on the couch for a few minutes before it was time for bed.

I was just so proud of how calm we BOTH stayed for a change. I know it won't always be like this, but I really feel like it's a milestone for 4YO. She's becoming a reasonable human being. Oh, I figured it would probably happen eventually, but had my doubts many days just the same.

After she walked away, 6YO came up to me and said, "Mom, I know how you knew she was lying."

This had my curiosity. I couldn't wait to hear what SHE had taken away from my conversation with her sister.

"When you asked her the question, she took too long to answer you. It was like it took her time to think of the answer. If it was true, she just would of known the answer and said it."

Wow.

6YO=Future Interrogator of Something Big and Important

I just hope she uses her powers for GOOD and not EVIL!

I really do think honesty is important. But so are good manners, so that's where the whole thing gets kind of fuzzy. For example, anyone who knows me well knows that they should probably lie to me about what time I need to be somewhere. I don't mind this at all. In fact, I rather appreciate it! I am late for most things. It's usually within a few minutes of the time I'm supposed to be there, but I just can't seem to get it right. In fact, even the rare times I'm on time or even early for something, something always happens. Car problems, traffic jams, lost keys...that's when I tell myself that I wasn't meant to be punctual and try to assure myself that there is still a place in this world for me.

In fact, most of the punctual people I know want to get where they are going so they can do what they need to do and leave quickly. While I'm not the first to show up anywhere, I don't mind staying later most places. There's gotta be room in this world for all of us, right?

If you've met my mom, you know that this MUST be a genetic trait, but it's hard to blame her when it's MY KID that can't find her other black shoe!

So, if you want me to be somewhere at a certain time, just go ahead and 'tweak' the time a bit. Trust me...you won't be sorry and I won't be the least bit angry if I find out the truth. I think it's the combination of my optimistic side with the part of me that procrastinates constantly. Whatever it is, I'm defective but my parents didn't save their receipt! Trust me...they've looked for it!

HAHAHA!

It's just funny how I'm trying to instill honesty in my kids while still telling little white lies all over the place. I think that if we didn't tell those little while lies, then we would all walk around talking to people like Sheldon from 'The Big Bang Theory.' While I love him on the show, I would probably avoid someone like that in real life!

So, I'll punish my children for lying, but I'll still lie to them when they do their own hair and it looks horrible, yet they look so proud. And I hope that they will lie to their children the same way.

Starting over and remembering to write a new date on my checks!

I'm starting to really understand why New Year's resolutions are so popular.

For me, nothing makes me certain of how much of a glutton and how disorganized I am than the holidays. The planning, the shopping, the baking, the parties, the cards...it all just involves so many details that it's easy to feel like you're on a treadmill that's going slightly faster than you'll ever be able to run. I eat more, yet I cook less. I shop more, I sleep less...it's just a vicious downward spiral of my confidence in myself and more and more things get put on the back burner every single day.

I don't know why I do this to myself. Come the day after Christmas, I have all sorts of ideas and plans in place to make next year's holiday season much more organized and less stressful. But, the same thing happens every year anyhow: I put things off until the last minute so I can spend five minutes shopping for what I want to buy only to spend 35 minutes in line to get that lip gloss that 13YO's Christmas will not be complete without. (That's not my rational side talking, that's the panicked one who feels like they're forgetting something important and starts just buying random crap to fill in the gaps that aren't there.) At least it's nice to know that other people procrastinate too. I just wish I'd gotten to the store before them!

This year seemed harder, for some reason. Something was missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that 2009 won't be missed. I am so blessed to be as fortunate as I am, but I still see so many hardships going on around me. So many more negative things seemed to stand out this year rather than most. So many people I know lost their jobs, their homes, loved ones...my own happiness seems rather bittersweet, really.

But, in six days, the calendar will grant many of us a 'clean slate' of sorts. Sure, it will probably only take a couple of days, or even minutes, for many towns to have their first murder of the year. Let's just hope a baby is born first to make it feel like a more positive beginning. In homes all over the country, people will notice their pants getting tighter (mine, TOTALLY) and start to exercise and eat better. People buy or unfreeze their gym memberships. Healthy food disappears off the shelves of supermarkets slightly more quickly than the Twinkies. Beds get made and teeth get flossed twice a day. Closets are cleaned out and people are either going to bed earlier or staying up later to finish up everything they intend to do, if they never usually finish things. (ME AGAIN!)

This month, I think I became more tired than I ever had before. As a lifetime biter of my fingernails, I was shocked to realize that I had been too tired or preoccupied to BITE MY NAILS. Seriously. My nails have never been longer. At least, not without having to purchase them! Normally, the stress the holiday season brings has me chewing my nails down to the skin at least once or twice. Nope. I've been cutting and filing them down. I've been too tired to chew on my fingernails. Or too lazy, I don't know. My DVR is about to burst with all the things I've put off watching and deleting. And with all that I've been doing, I still feel like I've gotten so little done. It's almost like running in circles and forgetting to put a bra on..it's not pretty!

So, I plan to welcome 2010 with open arms. And well-flossed teeth and a tidier closet. I might even dust off the elliptical machine, (I really need to!) and spend less time on Facebook and...okay, so let's not go crazy here! I do hope that I do things a bit better this year. I want to spend more time in the here and now and less time worrying about what might happen tomorrow or dwelling on yesterday. Yesterday is in the past and I'm sure, no matter how bad yesterday was, I learned something from it. I seems that the more I learn the more I realize how little I actually know. And really, I can only do so much about what tomorrow holds. I need to find joy in each day and each person in my life no matter what is tossed my way.

How are you planning to make your life different in 2010?