Weather the storm! Run the race! Do the thing!

 When 15YO was in first grade, her class did a “Patriotic Program” at school. Each child had a speaking part during the performance. My child was given a rather wordy part, but her teacher assured us that she was more than capable of handling it. So, my ever-determined first grader repeated her part out loud so many times that the entire household had it memorized in time for her performance. This was her part:

 

“On the Statue of Liberty are these words: Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

 

 

This was the first time I had heard of the term “tempest-tossed”, and I had no clue how much it would come to resonate with me. Merriam-Webster describes this term as “tossed about or agitated violently, thrown into confusion, or overwhelmed.” It could be used to describe a ship at sea during a violent storm, being tossed around so that all it can do is hope it can remain afloat once the storm has passed. 

 

I have come to realized that I feel much like the tempest-tossed ship. 

 

I’m not trying to say that I have a more difficult life than anyone else. I know, for a fact, that is not the case. The truth is that everyone has difficulties in their lives, and not all of those difficulties are based on their own choices. All of my storms are based on my own choices, and I have no regrets in choosing them. 

 

But I am tired. 

 

I don’t think this feeling is just a result of my life choices, but is also a result of the world we live in. It often feels like life is a race that has already started while I am still trying to figure out which shoes I should wear. Should I wear the really comfortable ones? The ones that give me the most support and should help me finish strong? The ones that look best with what I am wearing? What about those shoes that everyone else seems to want? Am I supposed to want those shoes?

 

I was recently told that I seem to focus more on the things I have not accomplished rather than giving myself credit for the things I have and am currently accomplishing. I guess that is probably true. But it is difficult to forget about what needs to be done when I feel like everyone else is already halfway through their race and I am still digging through my sock drawer trying to find that one pair that doesn’t slide a little more off my heel with each step I take. What if I get distracted trying to organize said sock drawer and forget to join the race altogether? 

 

It’s easy to feel tempest-tossed in a world like this one. I imagine I am not alone in this feeling. So, if you feel like you are a ship trying its best to weather a storm, just know you are in good company. (Okay, maybe not good company, but company nonetheless!) 

 

Sometimes, all we can really do is batten down the hatches and aim for clearer skies. And most storms come with really great stories.

 

 

 

 

My Need for the "D" and Other Reasons I Should Not be Allowed in Public

 I seriously meant to post regularly when the world closed down last year, but that lasted....maybe a few weeks? Oh, well. My inconsistency is usually my most consistent trait and I have decided that I will just be okay with that. 

We are now well over a year into this whole pandemic thing. When will COVID be downgraded from a pandemic to an epidemic? Does anyone else remember a time when you thought an epidemic was the worst thing that could happen? Do you remember standing in crowded places? Indoors? And seeing people's entire faces? 

Crazy, right?

We are finally moving closer to what we have always perceived to be *normal* but this journey will not be a brief one. I'm not sure I will ever not have to consciously control my hateful glares when someone coughs in public. Seriously, it's a reflex! That is complicated by the fact that this is an especially intense year for seasonal allergies. 

I say that, but I honestly think I have been saying that every year since I turned 30 or so. Curses!

So, I ran out of my 12-hour Sudafed and had to go a day without it. Going without it for one day is usually not a big deal, but going several consecutive days without any one of the three allergy medications I take is a guaranteed recipe for a sinus infection. I don't make the rules, but I certainly have the experience to understand the consequences. I had just enough time between work and having to pick up 15YO from softball practice to run by one store and make my weekly-allotted purchase of meth-grade Sudafed from the pharmacy. 

As I approach the pharmacy, I see a big, empty space behind the counter where my drug of choice is usually kept and I am sensing that this could really be a problem for me. Now, I consider myself a typically sociable person in the sense that I can hold a friendly little small-talk session with the best of them. But, there are times when I should not be allowed to talk to other people.

Enter: Anxiety-induced babbling. 

When something is bothering me or I am stressed, I tend to overshare, undershare, or inappropriately share things with total strangers that might make them uncomfortable or raise red flags about my intentions. 

Why did I tell that Starbucks barista that I don't have a penis? 

Why do I feel the need to point out my flaws to total strangers as examples of why my parents should probably never have bred?

Why do I still make methamphetamine jokes when I am handing over my license to buy Sudafed? "Thank you! Now I almost have enough for my next batch!"

So yesterday, when the poor, unsuspecting guy at the Walmart Pharmacy suggested another allergy medication, why did I say, "Is this the stuff you can make meth out of? Because if it's not, it's not going to work." 

I then went on to ask him the minimum age someone could buy the restricted stuff, as if I planned to have a team of young adults helping me build up my stash. To be fair, I have an 18-year-old daughter who enjoys shopping more than I do. It would be handy to know I could have her pick up a box for me when I don't have time to run to the store myself. But at that point, I felt like any further explanation would just make me seem more suspicious, so I just shut my mouth and handed the nice man my license. 

I guess it makes sense to also wonder why did he even sell it to me? Why was there not a uniformed officer following me around the store and out to my car? 

I settled on Allegra-D, since the "D" means it basically has Sudafed in it. (I'm totally in it for the "D!" 😂) I had to drop one of my regular medications because they would allegedly not play well with the Allegra (Thank you, Google!). But, I must say, I already feel like I have an easier time breathing through my nose than I have in a long time. I guess it was time to switch up my typical allergy meds because of tolerance and all that. 

I have been fortunate in the fact that my allergy meds have controlled the symptoms that could be confused for COVID. As long as I stay properly medicated, I don't get a cough, runny nose, or anything like that. I just sometimes get an itchy nose, difficulty breathing, and burning, watery eyes when I am outside too much. Or at all. Or if a window is open. Or if it is April or May. Or Tuesday. 

I think I need to move.