I'm starting to really understand why New Year's resolutions are so popular.
For me, nothing makes me certain of how much of a glutton and how disorganized I am than the holidays. The planning, the shopping, the baking, the parties, the cards...it all just involves so many details that it's easy to feel like you're on a treadmill that's going slightly faster than you'll ever be able to run. I eat more, yet I cook less. I shop more, I sleep less...it's just a vicious downward spiral of my confidence in myself and more and more things get put on the back burner every single day.
I don't know why I do this to myself. Come the day after Christmas, I have all sorts of ideas and plans in place to make next year's holiday season much more organized and less stressful. But, the same thing happens every year anyhow: I put things off until the last minute so I can spend five minutes shopping for what I want to buy only to spend 35 minutes in line to get that lip gloss that 13YO's Christmas will not be complete without. (That's not my rational side talking, that's the panicked one who feels like they're forgetting something important and starts just buying random crap to fill in the gaps that aren't there.) At least it's nice to know that other people procrastinate too. I just wish I'd gotten to the store before them!
This year seemed harder, for some reason. Something was missing. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that 2009 won't be missed. I am so blessed to be as fortunate as I am, but I still see so many hardships going on around me. So many more negative things seemed to stand out this year rather than most. So many people I know lost their jobs, their homes, loved ones...my own happiness seems rather bittersweet, really.
But, in six days, the calendar will grant many of us a 'clean slate' of sorts. Sure, it will probably only take a couple of days, or even minutes, for many towns to have their first murder of the year. Let's just hope a baby is born first to make it feel like a more positive beginning. In homes all over the country, people will notice their pants getting tighter (mine, TOTALLY) and start to exercise and eat better. People buy or unfreeze their gym memberships. Healthy food disappears off the shelves of supermarkets slightly more quickly than the Twinkies. Beds get made and teeth get flossed twice a day. Closets are cleaned out and people are either going to bed earlier or staying up later to finish up everything they intend to do, if they never usually finish things. (ME AGAIN!)
This month, I think I became more tired than I ever had before. As a lifetime biter of my fingernails, I was shocked to realize that I had been too tired or preoccupied to BITE MY NAILS. Seriously. My nails have never been longer. At least, not without having to purchase them! Normally, the stress the holiday season brings has me chewing my nails down to the skin at least once or twice. Nope. I've been cutting and filing them down. I've been too tired to chew on my fingernails. Or too lazy, I don't know. My DVR is about to burst with all the things I've put off watching and deleting. And with all that I've been doing, I still feel like I've gotten so little done. It's almost like running in circles and forgetting to put a bra on..it's not pretty!
So, I plan to welcome 2010 with open arms. And well-flossed teeth and a tidier closet. I might even dust off the elliptical machine, (I really need to!) and spend less time on Facebook and...okay, so let's not go crazy here! I do hope that I do things a bit better this year. I want to spend more time in the here and now and less time worrying about what might happen tomorrow or dwelling on yesterday. Yesterday is in the past and I'm sure, no matter how bad yesterday was, I learned something from it. I seems that the more I learn the more I realize how little I actually know. And really, I can only do so much about what tomorrow holds. I need to find joy in each day and each person in my life no matter what is tossed my way.
How are you planning to make your life different in 2010?