Gains, Losses, and Running Errands Dressed Like an Old-Timey Stagecoach Robber

 Seriously...has going to the bank EVER been this much fun before? I think not! 😂

     Like so many others, my feelings are all over the place when it comes to this lockdown/pandemic/quarantine thing. I am appreciating things I never gave myself time to think about in my pre-pandemic life. Like most things in life, this situation has resulted in pretty much all of us winning some, losing some, and grasping like crazy for a reason for all this. (Because there was a reason for all the other pandemics in the history of the world, right?)

     Since my time is no longer short, but my attention span still remains much like that of a goldfish with a brain injury, I've decided to list the good, the bad, gains, and losses in bullet points. 

Here are some things that have increased in my life since the 2020 pandemic:

•  The number of days I go between washing my hair is so much longer than I'd ever imagined. At one point, I actually put dry shampoo in my hair to go outside and get my mail. I didn't want to end up on a neighborhood Facebook group as the alleged homeless woman who has been seen going through people's mailboxes. If anyone has ever considered trying the "No Poo Method," can you think of a better time than now?
•  My alcohol tolerance has most definitely increased over these past two months. Pretty soon, my classes toward my masters degree will start up. Then, I will most definitely need my brain. Until then, well...it's 5 o'clock somewhere, right? I mean, it's not likely I have anywhere to be. And neither do most of you! Once I need my brain, my alcohol consumption will go back down to being a treat instead of an almost daily thing. Until then...
• The size of pants I wear has also increased. Not substantially, but it's hard to know for sure when the things I usually wear are stretchy and have elastic waistbands. I was doing really well right before this whole shelter in place thing came about. I even did well the first month or so after it began. But, without a clear end date in sight for all of this, I'm just going to take my life one beer and tortilla chip at a time. Who's with me?
• My paranoia of germs and other people has grown exponentially these past couple of months. I have always habitually held my breath when I walk past a person who appears to have any sort of communicable illness. I've never really worried about disinfecting shopping cart handles, because healthy people shop too. However, I don't read the magazines in doctors' offices because the odds of sick people reading them first are too high for me. While my methods of staying away from cooties might not be completely sound, they work for me. Not only do I now fear the potential germs from other people, but I fear the ones that I might be carrying and don't know about yet. Waking up with a stuffy nose and dry cough has never been more terrifying, until you realize you slept with the window open, it's spring, you feel the accompanying sinus pain and pressure that comes with seasonal allergies (especially when it's windy!) and you remember that you always have a dry, tight cough until you use your inhaler! 
• We have most definitely increased the use of our pool. This time of year, we are typically too busy with softball and school to spend much time in it. Once school is out, we still don't use the pool much because of travel softball. When one family member can't swim and wear herself out on game or practice days, how can the rest of us really enjoy it? I spent my Mother's Day floating around the pool in the sun, cold beer in hand. It. Was. Fantastic.

Here are a few things that have decreased in the past two months, and counting:

• My patience for the people I live with has dwindled over the past two months. Have they always chewed like that? Why can I hear them breathing? Why are they all still here? Have they always sounded like that when they eat cereal? Have they always eaten this much cereal? Cereal should be outlawed. Who buys this stuff?
• The number of pants in my closet that fit me has been reduced, especially in just this past month. There are no rules anymore, what can I say? 
• The amount of laundry I have to do has gone down a bit. I mean, how can we have so much laundry when we don't get dressed and leave the house very often?
• Sadly, the number of steps I take each day has also been shrinking. My smartwatch is pretty much mocking me these days. The sleep tracking app I use likes to act like it's giving me the benefit of the doubt by advising me to "wear my watch during the day to see a difference in my average heart rate between sleeping and being awake." Apparently, there is supposed to be a difference! I am living proof that there is no difference when you don't physically move much during the day! SLOTHS OF THE WORLD, UNITE! 
• Lastly, my motivation took a serious crap. It's gone. What day is it? Who cares? I'd better get this task done, or else...NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. Starting school again will at least give me some sort of structure from which to build the rest of my life around. Until then...I honestly don't know how I will be able to account for myself or my actions without any structure. 

I should not be left unsupervised...