February 5, 2008

Strippers, General Anesthesia, and Knitting in the Round

5YO waiting to be wheeled out and holding onto THE MOST EXPENSIVE LITTLE PLASTIC BEAD IN THE WORLD

Hmmm....let's see. Where to begin? This past weekend has been particularly adventurous for us. We woke up at 4:30 and had 5YO at the hospital by 6:00 a.m. yesterday morning. We had to be there then so she could go 'under the tweezers' by 7:30. She was excellent. She complied with everything that was asked of her and didn't whine or do anything I might have expected her to do. She is, after all, five years old! She was the perfect patient.
They took her back a few minutes before 7:30 to get her back to the O.R. By 7:32, the doctor was walking into the waiting room with the bead in a little plastic bottle. She was awake five or ten minutes later. They did the usual monitoring of her vital signs for and hour or so before I was able to get her back into her clothes. They put her in the wheelchair and wheeled her down to the parking lot. My once painfully shy child was courteous and compliant in every way.
I'm still not quite sure how we ended up with this child and where the other one went, but I'm not giving her back!
Since she was only under for a few minutes, she felt great pretty quickly and acted pretty normal for most of the day. We tried to keep her calm but it was evident that the little anesthesia she received had worn off by yesterday afternoon.
AND IT WAS A BEAD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!! Even with decent health insurance, the little bills that will sneak in over the next year or so will add up to a pretty penny. I'm just thankful they are sporadic and not too intimidating on their own. I'm mostly grateful that she's fine and the UFO is no longer 'Unidentified!' And we will keep the bead FOREVER.
And now, about the strippers I mentioned: I saw some, I'll tell you that much! Yes, they were boys. No, I didn't let them 'grope' me. (Not that I would judge anyone who DOES like to be groped by strippers, just that I like to maintain my bubble of 'personal body space' between me and COMPLETE STRANGERS. Call me crazy....)
To be honest, I was a little put-off by this one stripper that had the microphone for awhile. Every other word was "F#&*" and he concluded every sentence with " ...and SH&#." I seriously get the feeling that this isn't just a job he's doing to put himself through medical school. I just don't get it. When a woman strips, it's considered degrading to women. (Not by all, I know...I'm just speaking for what I perceive to be the general opinion.) Then, when men strip...it seems that women get degraded then too! The men take every opportunity to touch and grope the women who are waving their 'ones' in the air, as if the women should be grateful that someone will touch them at all. I think the men were getting more out of this than we were...
"I think I'm gay" was the statement from another person I was sitting with. I guess they just weren't 'doing it' for her, either. I mean, it's fun to see them dance. It's nice to be able to appreciate the amount of time and discipline it takes to make a body like theirs. When the one guy came out in military garb and started doing one-armed push-ups......
(Is it just me, or is it getting warm in here?)
Anywhoooooo...I guess it's safe to say that I can totally appreciate the male form. I am not so entertained, however, by watching lady after lady getting lap dances on the stage. I don't really get my kicks watching women get groped by men that I can only assume are complete strangers to them. It's sort of a turn-off, I guess. Yeah, yeah...call me a prude! Go ahead. You know you want to..
In order to ensure that those men would stay as far away from me as possible, I developed a certain 'stance,' if you will. My legs were crossed, my arms were resting in my lap, and I was either laughing, glaring, or rolling my eyes the entire show. I can only assume those guys watched me leave the room and were all thinking (or saying) "WHAT A BITCH!!!"
Believe it or not, I still had a great time! It was nice to get out of the house, some of the stuff the men did was very impressive (even for a prude like me!) and the food was AWESOME!!! The buffet was part of the show and it included salmon, shrimp scampi, shrimp cocktail, and all sorts of different fancy cheeses and fruits and things. And the desserts.....HOLY COW!!! The creme puffs were as big as my head (not really, but they were BIG!) and every item was created in the most beautiful and perfect way that the whole dessert looked like it was a picture in a magazine or something. Real, edible food is not normally that pretty! I'll admit, 'Little Miss I-Don't-Eat-Sugar-or-Flour' broke her own rules that night. But, just a little. I had a few bites of the sweet stuff....but who wouldn't? My body didn't go into shock or anything and I think I behaved VERY WELL consdering all that was before me. I even had a Midori Sour and I would do it again!
Anyhow, I had very little sleep the night before last. I passed out cold at 10:00 last night and slept for eight solid hours, I might add. Aside from our early morning and stopping by the store to pick up a prescription and a couple of movies and snacks for the 'patient,' I didn't get much done yesterday. My house looks like a tornado blew through it and I'm a bit behind on the laundry. My mom stayed here for quite awhile after we got back and we got a chance to sit down, drink some tea, and KNIT. I learned how to make a really cute dishcloth with a heart in the middle of it. See???

Grandma's Favorite Dishcloth w/heart
This is the first thing I've purled and I'm very proud. Then, I learned how to knit in the round!!! I'm currently working on a hat. I found a pattern that looked really easy and I'm just knitting my little heart out every chance I get. Which reminds me...I need to hurry up and finish all my online stuff so I can get this house straightened up and knit some more. I'd LOVE to finish this hat tonight....but we'll see!


Jessie said...

What was the bead from? Something random? Jewelry? Could you identify its source? Did she do it on purpose?

Leann I Am said...

I THINK the bead came from a dollar store bracelet. At least, that's what it looks like to ME!

I'm still not sure if she did it on purpose or not. She won't fess up and I don't get the whole 'lying vibe' from her. Not THIS TIME. She's usually pretty easy to read when she lies.

But what are the odds that it flew off of the bracelet (because they were all crap and the elastic holding them together snapped really easily) and flew into her ear? How else could we explain it?

Maybe she just forgot! Who knows?

Matter Of Fact Mommy said...

mystery solved! ;)

REENblack said...

Wow, that is just crazy!!! I'm glad its out though! Now you can concentrate on more important things like your knitting!!! ;-)

SJSFalter+ said...

Your description of the "stripper" is how I assume I would be at said show. I have never gone simply because I do not think I would "approciate" it the way other woman seem to. Sure I would be facinated by the fit bods and strength or ability they have but they better not touch me. Lap dance, oh please, I can live a full and complete life without some sweaty stranger climbing all over me.

Super glad the UFO is out and taken care of. Cant wait to see all your new knitted items. I knitted a tad as a kid but I dont know if I remember how. Maybe its like riding a bike, if I picked it up it would come back. One day I will have to see.