July 19, 2008


5YO is set to start kindergarten in a little less than a month.
While I don't consciously think that it bothers me, a dream I had the other night makes me think otherwise. A year ago, I would have been much more nervous about 5YO starting school. Then again, she was a different child a year ago. My 5YO is painfully shy by nature and even family gatherings would cause her to look at the ground and hug my leg. And God forbid someone actually look at her or try to speak to her! She was perfectly fine at home around close family and friends, but take her somewhere else or throw a few strangers in the mix and she becomes about as antisocial as they get.
Last summer, we signed her up for soccer. She was terribly shy at the beginning, but soon started to come out of her shell a bit more. She made it through the soccer season with a bit of determination and the incentive of a kitty that her daddy promised her. We realized that we didn't actually need to bribe her with a cat, but David had already promised it to her if she stayed on the field for every game.
The kitty's name is Soccer and he's the most kid-friendly cat I've ever known.
It was the first day of school. I was in the back of the house getting ready to take 5YO to school. The bus comes by about 45 minutes before school starts. As I'm walking down the hall, 5YO, B5YO and the neighbor boy from across the street all ran down the driveway and jumped on the bus without another thought. I didn't even get to see her get on the bus...or take ANY PICTURES.
Sure, I could have easily driven to school to meet her as she came off the bus and still walked her to her class and met her teacher. That may have very well happened. But, the last thing I remember from the dream was the feeling of being very hurt and just feeling so, so helpless.
That afternoon, I made 5YO promise me that she would allow me to drive her to school on her first day. She looked at me as if I were crazy and rolled her eyes.
I'm thinking that I don't have much to worry about.
I hope.
Maybe my anxiety is more usefully directed toward my 12YO who is started junior high the very same day. Then again, I think I've just been avoiding those thoughts altogether.
The saga continues....


Jeanne said...

Omg I know how you feel... my 5 1/2 yr old is about to start grade 1 in September (so been there last year for K), and she's my oldest. MY thing is looking ahead to when she'll be old enough to leave home. I get teary eyed thinking about it, and she's not even six!! To make me feel better she promised me that when she buys a house, it'll be on the same street as ours...lol

Suzie said...

Everytime I think about my oldest starting kindergarden I well up with tears and I still have one more year.

Amanda said...

Oh, the ache.