OPERATION EAR WATCH 2008

You see, the thing is....that we still do not KNOW what the THING IS!!!

Yup! It's still in there and the only irritation she feels is from US. I have wacky new theories all the time about how to coax that thing out. The thing that WILL NOT MOVE. Yeah, that thing. From what we can see, it appears to be round in shape. David thinks it's a ball-bearing.

But where in the hell could she have gotten a ball-bearing???

When I am not pestering 5YO with new, creative ways to get the foreign object in question out of her ear, I'm trying to perfect the lighting and focus on my camera to be able to take pictures of it! I want the world to see what I see. More importantly, I want 5YO to see what I see, because she says there's nothing in there!!!

Could it be a rhinestone? A ball-bearing? A Barbie shoe? (I'm only saying that one because she saw that commercial where the little boy had the Barbie shoe stuck in his ear! It is certainly not a Barbie shoe!) What if it's a winning lottery ticket? Or the secret to world peace? Or....

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING???

Whatever it may be, that thing won't budge. I've used a bulb syringe to try to suction it out. We've even used a telescopic magnet! David was in the thinking that if it were a ball-bearing then a magnet would grab it easily. NOPE.

I'm hoping to have some news soon. I don't want to have to take her back into the doctor to be removed, but it looks like it's coming down to that. That olive oil just ain't cuttin' it!

Now, GET THAT OUT OF YOUR EAR!!!!!

Man, I really wish I knew how to use the manual settings on my camera better so I could get a picture of this thing!

I've joked for awhile now that having a baby doesn't necessarily make you feel like a mom. Not that you aren't a mom when you have a baby, just that there are some other things that take place in your life that really make you feel like you're part of the 'club.'

For instance, when your day involves yelling,

"GET THAT OUT OF YOUR EAR!!!"

...then you're part of the club!

Or, when you hear a child yell, "Mooo-ooooom" in a store and you try to respond to them, even though you know your own kids aren't even with you.

That makes you really feel like a mom!

When someone mistakenly leaves their child in the car all day, killing them, and you're torn between wanting to hug them and shake them....then you're definitely one of 'us!'

Now, you don't actually have to have a baby to be a part of the club. But, you're not really one of 'us' until you have threatened to change your name (from 'Mom') to something you do not plan to reveal to them in order to catch some peace, if only for a moment.

Well, yesterday has been a monumental day in my career as a mom, because my 5YO has something in her ear. While she doesn't actually remember putting anything in her ear (or at the least not fessing up about it!) there is definitely something in there! It's shiny and metallic and not actually hurting anything right now. The doctor recommended a couple of drops of olive oil in that ear a couple of times a day. We're hoping that the mystery object in question will just work its way out with the oil. At least, that's what we're hoping. If it doesn't come out in a few days, I'll take her back in and the doctor will take it out. She didn't want to cause any discomfort yesterday because her other ear is terribly infected and the ear drum could rupture at any moment. She's not in nearly as much pain today and didn't really act like she had the horrible infection plaguing her to begin with, but my kid's weird that way. The only other ear infection (that we've known about, anyway!) wasn't detected until her ear drum actually did rupture. No fever, no fussiness, no sensitivity to pressure or suction....just a bunch of goo filling her ear. It was the strangest thing we'd ever seen. So, when she couldn't sleep the other night because her ear was "bothering" her, I knew I had to take her in.

Well, besides the infection in one ear and the foreign object in the other, 5YO's doing pretty well. I'm on constant 'ear watch' to make sure one doesn't rupture but something does, in fact, come out of the other one. I just tried to coax it out with a bulb syringe, but it wasn't ready to come out yet! I plan to take her back in Thursday if I can't get it out at home. The more I look at it (which is a lot!) the more I wonder if it's a rhinestone from one of her shirts. I mentioned it today on my other blog and someone mentioned something about that in the comments. She had a friend whose daugther had a sequin in her ear that had come off one of her shirts as she pulled it over her head. I can't think of any tops (off the top of my head, anyway!) that she owns with sequins on them, but she does have a few things with rhinestones on them.

Hmmmm.....I will keep the world posted as to what comes out of my daughter's ear. I know you guys are just on the edge of your seat with anticipation....

Knitting and Earraches

Two of my three dish rags from yesterday. I'm on a ROLL, baby!!!

Well, I finally broke down and bought some more yarn and some circular needles to knit a felted bag and a hat. These are new conquests for me and I'm a bit intimidated. Soo...I put it off by making a butt-load more dish rags! I'm sure I'll start on on of them this week, I just know I don't have the time or presence of mind to attempt to learn something new on a weekend! Last Friday, the nice lady at knittinghelp.com taught me how to purl. She ROCKS! I'm pretty sure I'll need to know how to purl and knit in the round to complete my next projects. The rest of it...I'll just cross that bridge when I get there! For now, I have lots of cotton yarn and each dish rag looks a bit better than the last! The more confident I get with these things, the less daunting it seems to branch out a little more and learn something new.

5YO has an earrache and we will be spending the good majority of the afternoon in her pediatrician's office. That place sucks on Mondays, but that's only because every high fever and illness usually pops up in the middle of the night on a weekend. The staff is awesome and they still take their time with each and every child, so I guess it's worth it!

UGH! It's gonna be a loooooong day!

So THAT'S why...

...I'm so freaking cold!!!

Who on earth let that snow get this close??? This picture was taken right outside my front door. Yes, there is usually snow on those mountains. But, living in the valley, we're often not able to see those mountains. 5YO told me we could go play in the snow when 2YO wakes up. She has no concept of the drive involved to get to those mountains. And how cold and wet snow really is. That child does not like to be cold and wet!

(Hmmm...I wonder where she gets THAT from, huh?)

*giggle*

We're probably going grocery shopping later, but that's about as adventurous as this mommy's getting today!

Pardon me...

It's the paparazzi! QUICK! RUN!!!

...but I'll just be talking out of my ass today.

WHY?

Oh, I don't know...I guess there are a couple of reasons.

• I went to bed at 9:30 last night, and I haven't done that since I was TEN!




• 11YO just got over this awful virus-thingy that rendered her bed-ridden for three days




• 11YO whines a LOT when she's not feeling well. It's like the whole world is supposed to stop and suffer right along with her...and we DO!




• 5YO now has the dreaded *bug* and just wants to be quiet and lie around...which is almost worse because it tends to make me worry more




• 2YO is as busy and rambunctious as ever and she just finished going through my purse. Why do they always go right for the feminine hygiene products...especially in public?




• I had a migraine yesterday and spent most of my day curled up in the recliner cursing my children for their horrible habits of moving and making noise




• I was up very early this morning and already had more done before 8:00 am than I usually have done before dinner.




• While busy with the laundry, I come back into the kitchen to find my cat on the counter. He's sitting right next to my freshly poured coffee and licking his lips. (Yeah, he has a new nickname for the day. I just have to make sure my kids don't hear me say it!)




• Does anyone else have a 'nekkid kid?' You know, the kid that has her clothes off every time you turn around?




• I'm sitting here freezing my arse off while 2YO is running around naked as a jaybird.




• I hate high electric bills and think it's a conspiracy....I don't know the 'who' or the 'what'...but someone is definitely benefitting from the large check I'm about to write our energy company. I just hope they enjoy their summer home as much as I would enjoy STAYING WARM...if I could afford to!

• Our whole house is full of those CFLs. Have you ever read the label on those things? I read somewhere that you're supposed to evacuate the premises if one should happen to break. What the hell do they put in those things?

• Why is my daughter always naked and my house always looks like we had a frat party here? I hope these aren't indicators as to our future...

• I think I'm going to try to knit a felted bag next. I need to buy some circular and double-pointed needles to do anything more than the dish rags and scarves I've been making. Time to branch out, I guess!

Well, that's pretty much what's going on in my little world...

WAIT! On another note...I have to put in my two cents' worth about Dr. Phil. I was watching an episode the other day where they were talking a very dysfunctional mother. Now, I don't think I'm being too judgemental when I say that this woman was a total nut job! She was screaming incoherently at her son, who was most likely in his late teens.

Yes, the family needed help.

What the family did not need, however, was Dr. Phil's lovely and perfect wife, Robin, to pipe in. Who the hell does she think she is? She sat there and told that woman that she has never ever ever ever EVER so much as raised her voice to either of her sons. HUH??? Okay, the woman was brave enough to come on the show only to have Robin make her feel even worse about herself! Was she just there to try to make ALL MOTHERS feel crappy? Not that I don't believe her when she says that, but how many people do you know that have NEVER raised their voices to their children?

Robin McGraw comes across as this 'little Miss Perfect' and it makes me crazy! I'm not one to yell at my kids a LOT...but I have and will continue to do so if the need arises. I believe that yelling at your children in excess just leads to their abiltity to tune you out completely. But sometimes, you need to do whatever it takes to get your point across. Would you stay calm and never yell if your child was about to dart out into the street? Would you stay calm and not yell if your child was about to touch a hot stove?

I get the feeling that Dr. Phil is secretly afraid of his wife. She totally runs the show and I've never seen a more high-maintenance person.

Sooo....please keep your parenting tips to yourself, Robin. You are no help at all to the real world!

Furmilitaion At Its Finest

So, I'm sure my kitties are now thrilled that my good friend wildtomato has introduced me to knitting. Not only am I now yelling at Soccer to leave my yarn alone, but I now get to participate in one of the best ways to pass the time....

Knitted Furmiliation. Seriously, check it out! My cats have a new reason to be annoyed by me.

Fabulous.

Remember this?

Well, I finished that scarf at the beginning of last week. It was a quick and easy project, which was perfect for keeping my confidence up. I love being able to actually finish something. So much of my job (MOM) feels like a bunch of projects that are never finished. The scarf is done, and I have been able to get my kitties to model it for me. (Okay, so I held them down and forced them...but don't they need something to talk to their therapists about?)

Soccer was not the best model for the job. He just moves too much!

Shadow was a better model. He's bigger, easier to hang onto, and he honestly comes across looking as pissed off as he probably really is. If looks could kill....

I'm not sure what I want to finish next. I've started another dish rag. I really want to make a hat or a felted bag, but I still don't understand a lot of the lingo and might as well be trying to read a book written in Greek. For the hat, I need to buy some new needles. I will probably do that this week. In the meantime, I need to make something else to put on my cats...because they love it so....

Three Days In A Row??? What gives?

But I promise you, there's no way I can continue at this rate!

I'm taking the lazy way today, however, and sharing with you some toddler birthday trauma...

ENJOY!!!

...and then, two weeks later...

Was it just the pressure of the holidays that made her crack? Who knows! There are, in fact,

pictures of me reacting to this same song the very same way!

This is almost more terrifying for my kids than Santa Claus!!!

Aaaawwwww, SHUX!!!

It feels so good to be recognized, doesn't it? I am both honored and priveleged to be able to say that I have FINALLY BEEN RECOGNIZED!!! My awesome friend, wildtomato, has given me my very first blog award!!! It's the 'You Make My Day Award' and she says she gave it to me for my mad knitting skillz. As much as I try to deny it, deep down I'm a huge attention and compliment whore and can honestly say that this award has made my day!

So, thanks wildtomato!!! You make my day too!

According to the rules, I'm supposed to pass this award on to ten other bloggers. So, let's see just how far we can get with this:

1. CRABMOMMY (It's not 'schwag,' but it is something, right???) You are so honest and real about your parenting ups and downs. And, you're NICE, too! Who knew?

2. WHYMOMMY, you are dealing with so much. And, by taking us on your journey with you, you are not only opening our eyes to IBC, a very real and dangerous form of breast cancer, but you are keeping us in awe with your strength and inpirational messages every day.

3. Mrs. Flinger, because you never fail to keep it 'real' and make me laugh. Okay, so you've made me cry a few times too...but that just means you're even better!

4. Jessie, at I am David's Doll...you are so honest and straight forward and real. You say what most of us are thinking, but afraid to say. Thanks for that!

5. SJSFalter, you are just so cool! You are on such a great adventure right now with your family and you are also on the same weight loss journey that I'm on! You've always been super sweet (and sarcastic, at times, but that just makes me like you more!) and I feel that we really could be friends IRL.

6. Cass45, you had a rough start in life but are always impressing me with your incredibly giving nature and postitive attitude. You really do make my day!

7. Brie, you really are so awesome! I've met you once and cannot wait to get together again! I am horrible at making plans, so I may need a little PUSH...but I really do want to meet up and let all the kids play. You are a really great friend, and I feel like I can truly say that now.

8. CarilGirl, you certainly make my day! You've never failed to make me laugh right along with you and whatever mayhem you're family is into. You are one of my inspirations for knitting and one of the first blogs I ever started reading. You are a big part of where I am today with blogging and friends.

9. Angel....all I can say is that you have seven kids and I get the feeling you'd love to have more! You have one of the biggest hearts I've ever known and the patience of a saint! Angel definitely makes me want to be a better mother!

10. Bikergirl, you are another person that I truly think I could be good friends with IRL. You are so funny and real and you begin most of your blog entries with profound thoughts or keen observations. Your mind MUST be like a steel trap, because you seem to remember so many people's birthdays on top of everything else!

Okay, girls....now go on out there and spread the love!!!

I've Been Bitten...

...by the knitting bug! A couple of weeks ago, wildtomato and the boy paid me a visit.

We had a great time catching up and I'm in LOVE with Vespa and Mingus! On New Year's Eve day, in a coffee shop, wildtomato taught myself, my mother, and my 11YO daughter how to knit. It was awesome!

We started off with dish rags, which are 100% cotton and very pretty, as well as functional. I have since knitted two scarves and 3 and a half dish rags on my own. I've actually knitted more, but I usually get in a good groove when I'm about halfway through an item. I then realize that I want to knit the whole thing looking pretty, so I pull it all out and start over. In fact, I have started most of my projects a good three or four times (at least!) before I get to the halfway point.

I just love that knitting allows for 'do-overs!'

So, here is a picture of my second completed scarf. I made the first one for 11YO and she has it at school with her this very moment. She loves it! I finished this scarf just yesterday and it is being modeled by the lovely 5YO.

Yes, she's still wearing her Christmas PJs...

I found this really bulky acrylic yarn at Wal Mart and have developed a love/hate relationship with it. I love it because it is so bulky and irregular that it hides my mistakes really well. I hate it because it is so bulky and irregular that I make a lot more mistakes with it.

I have now started on another scarf...and it's another novelty-type of yarn. Surprisingly, however, it's a bit easier to work with than the other stuff. I'm almost halfway done with it, but it's thin and doesn't take up much space. Here is the work in progress, in its little tub that I broke down and bought to keep my projects safe from the dreaded kitty kat that hides in the shadows and waits for me to look away, if even for just a second. He is a yarn thief, plain and simple.

I'm very drawn to blacks and browns right now, for some reason. I just bought some chenille yarn in those same colors. I cannot wait to make something out of it! I've been purchasing needle sizes as I need them, so as not to spend too much money up front. I'm a bit of a flake when it comes to hobbies and I tend to dive into something head-on and buy lots of things that I may or may not actually use.

So far, however, I love knitting. It's very relaxing and even seems to calm down my mind. It usually spins out of control with too much idle time, and this seems to help balance things out.

I wonder if this is how ritalin works.....

Anyhow, I'm having a lot of fun and it's really great to be able to actually finish something and have something to show for it. Since my only job is that of 'Mom' I don't feel like I actually finish a whole lot around here. The laundry might appear to be done, but the clothes we're all wearing--DIRTY! Dishes, toilets...none of that stuff ever feels 'done' to me!

So, I hope to have more knitting adventures to share with you, here and there. Since this hobby is all shiny and new to me, I've been preferring knitting to spending time on the computer.

Just as soon I figure out how to knit while typing, I'll be all set!

Calm, Cool, and Complicated as Hell...

I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably shouldn’t try to talk in the mornings. At least, not before my coffee is ready.

I stumble out of bed and into the kitchen to make David his lunch every morning. Yeah, yeah…like a good little ‘wifey’ should! Depending on how I slept or how much the children actually let me sleep, my mood can range anywhere from groggy, yet pleasant to downright cranky. And, since he’s actually on a schedule, his lunch usually comes before my coffee.

I’ve been taking really good care of myself lately. Honestly. I take my vitamins, don’t drink soda or eat or drink anything with sugar or flour in it. In fact, eating just a little sugar now usually guarantees me a horrible ‘hangover headache’ by the next morning. While I’ve been losing weight and maintaining it and everything, I really wish I could just have a cookie sometimes like the rest of the world! (At least, like everyone else in my house!) Let me put it this way; if it weren’t for sugar-free chocolate, I would be one cranky mommy. But, avoiding sugar and other various evils gives me more energy and has made my mornings a bit easier. In fact, the last two mornings have been particularly easy.

So easy, in fact, that for two days in a row I have thought to ask David if he slept well. Boy, does that really get the wheels spinning in his head!

“Good morning. Did you sleep okay last night?”

“You know, this is the second day in a row you’ve asked me that. Is something going on? Did I wake you up or something? Or is there a reason that I shouldn’t be sleeping well?”

The evil part of me wants to just let him stew with those thoughts for a while. Unfortunately, my evil side hadn’t yet had her coffee and wasn’t exactly at the top of her game. So, I started trying to explain to him that I was simply trying to be nice. I know…being nice to my own husband, what a concept!

I think he’s still suspicious of me.

Then, he sneezed. I gave him the customary “Bless you” and all, but I couldn’t let it end there. I had to ask, “Why do you yell when you cough or sneeze? I mean, why do you have to be so loud???”

This was not a welcome conversation to him.

He questioned what I meant by that, and I tried my best to explain it to him. When he coughs or sneezes, he yells. Plain and simple. Is he trying to make sure we all know that he’s coughing or sneezing? Is he trying to make some sort of point or something? Does his body really require a yell in order to effectively cough or sneeze? Why, when he coughs in the middle of the night, does he need to kick his legs up or sit up in bed with such force that I actually catch a little air on my side of the bed?

Of course, he took his usually defensive stance and said,

“Oh. So now you think I’m just coughing loud to get attention?”

“Noooo…that’s not exactly what I’m saying. Maybe you just need to relax a little or something. Maybe you’re trying to fight the cough or something, and that’s why it sounds like yelling.”

Yeah, he took it personally. I think I’ll take that as a hint and not try to start a conversation before I’ve had my coffee. I think it would be best for all parties involved.

Covert Parenting

Now, I'm sure we've all seen this commercial. If not, you can now:

Haven't all 'mommies' and maybe even some 'daddies' had this feeling? 'Thankless Job' is only one of the many descriptions that can be applied to being a parent. I've, personally, had many days where my husband comes home from work and looked around like nothing is changed. The laundry baskets are all empty, as all of the clothes have been washed, dried, and put away. The beds have all been stripped, their sheets washed and then put back said beds. In a family of five, those two chores alone can take most of your day.

And then there's the whole 'keeping the kids alive' thing. That, too, takes up a big chunk of one's day. But, if that pair of shoes or those toys are in the same place when he left, I'm sure he gets the feeling that nothing was really done. I can't blame him, really. But, I don't feel like I should necessarily have to explain myself either! Depending on my mood, I'll either just start spouting off the list of things I have actually done that day or I'll just remain silent, not explain myself, and then get mad at him for what he may or may not be thinking.

Oh yeah....we're SO MARRIED!!!

Essentially, this brings us back to the whole 'being a mommy can be a thankless job' thing. In many ways, we are all invisible. Just like the lady in the Suave commercial.

Hearing my husband stampede down our tile hallway this morning like a herd of cattle made me realize that being invisible also has its perks. I've sort of developed the habit of walking quietly down our hallway. I've had enough years of babies sleeping to know that you don't tempt fate. Every minute that the baby sleeps is precious to the tired mommy. When a child should be about to fall asleep and they hear their mother outside their door, that often leads to crying. Also, there are certain advantages to silently observing your older children in their natural habitat. It's nice to get a glimpse of them playing without their knowledge. It's good to know firsthand whether or not 11YO is playing mind games to make 4YO cry, or if she's just being dramatic. Also, nothing disrupts children entertaining themselves like the sudden realization that their mother is nearby. You know, the one who can do stuff for them. That's a pretty hot commodity in our house.

Even my beanpole of an 11YO can sound like a herd of cattle once she has her shoes on in the morning. She usually the first one up in the morning to shower and dress. Until she leaves, our mornings are often filled with the 'clomp clomp clomp' of her tennis shoes on the tile floor as she runs up and down the hall. And because I'm a mom, it only bothers me due to the fact that it might be bothering someone else. I am annoyed at the mere possibilty of anyone else in my family being annoyed.

Does that even make any sense?

Probably not. But I'm sure the fact that I've been known to hold my bladder rather than to creep down the hallway at the wrong time and risk being spotted by a child isn't all that reasonable either.

'StealthMommy' must not be seen or heard.

For now, that works for me. It's nice to fade into the scenery for a bit. Like I said, being invisible has its perks.