January 8, 2008

Calm, Cool, and Complicated as Hell...

I’ve come to the conclusion that I probably shouldn’t try to talk in the mornings. At least, not before my coffee is ready.

I stumble out of bed and into the kitchen to make David his lunch every morning. Yeah, yeah…like a good little ‘wifey’ should! Depending on how I slept or how much the children actually let me sleep, my mood can range anywhere from groggy, yet pleasant to downright cranky. And, since he’s actually on a schedule, his lunch usually comes before my coffee.

I’ve been taking really good care of myself lately. Honestly. I take my vitamins, don’t drink soda or eat or drink anything with sugar or flour in it. In fact, eating just a little sugar now usually guarantees me a horrible ‘hangover headache’ by the next morning. While I’ve been losing weight and maintaining it and everything, I really wish I could just have a cookie sometimes like the rest of the world! (At least, like everyone else in my house!) Let me put it this way; if it weren’t for sugar-free chocolate, I would be one cranky mommy. But, avoiding sugar and other various evils gives me more energy and has made my mornings a bit easier. In fact, the last two mornings have been particularly easy.

So easy, in fact, that for two days in a row I have thought to ask David if he slept well. Boy, does that really get the wheels spinning in his head!

“Good morning. Did you sleep okay last night?”

“You know, this is the second day in a row you’ve asked me that. Is something going on? Did I wake you up or something? Or is there a reason that I shouldn’t be sleeping well?”

The evil part of me wants to just let him stew with those thoughts for a while. Unfortunately, my evil side hadn’t yet had her coffee and wasn’t exactly at the top of her game. So, I started trying to explain to him that I was simply trying to be nice. I know…being nice to my own husband, what a concept!

I think he’s still suspicious of me.

Then, he sneezed. I gave him the customary “Bless you” and all, but I couldn’t let it end there. I had to ask, “Why do you yell when you cough or sneeze? I mean, why do you have to be so loud???”

This was not a welcome conversation to him.

He questioned what I meant by that, and I tried my best to explain it to him. When he coughs or sneezes, he yells. Plain and simple. Is he trying to make sure we all know that he’s coughing or sneezing? Is he trying to make some sort of point or something? Does his body really require a yell in order to effectively cough or sneeze? Why, when he coughs in the middle of the night, does he need to kick his legs up or sit up in bed with such force that I actually catch a little air on my side of the bed?

Of course, he took his usually defensive stance and said,

“Oh. So now you think I’m just coughing loud to get attention?”

“Noooo…that’s not exactly what I’m saying. Maybe you just need to relax a little or something. Maybe you’re trying to fight the cough or something, and that’s why it sounds like yelling.”

Yeah, he took it personally. I think I’ll take that as a hint and not try to start a conversation before I’ve had my coffee. I think it would be best for all parties involved.


Jessie said...

Ah, Morning Cunt Syndrome. Gotcha. It can be a real problem if you dont make up for it by lunch time, but it's a generalized morning thing I think.

wildtomato said...

Mornings aren't a good time for anyone to have a conversation!

Your scarves look so good! I wanted to leave a comment on your other blog, but it looked like I had to create an account to do so.

REENblack said...

lol That is not a great way to start the morning. Sometimes I feel lucky that I'm still in bed when my hubby leaves for work! ;-) Then again he's not a morning person either, so we wouldn't be talking much anyway!

SJSFalter+ said...

J and I have become rather defensive lately with many of our conversations and I must remind myself that sometimes I just need to bite my tongue. Ours isnt just a morning thing but a PMS, hunger and stress thing. We are much better off talking over a glass of wine.

MommyKnows said...


Great post ... been there, unfortunately, I am not the grump!

Angel said...

Hey LeAnne you had me rolling. I often wonder why some people yell sneezing and after much thought I figured it out. They are screaming the germs away. haha.... Well it was a thought. Hugssss from Angel (mamaofseven)