Words really must be one of the most powerful things around. Just think about it: You talk to people everday and then maybe kick yourself for saying something you should have said differently, if at all.
What's funny is I consider myself to be fairly good with words...in writing. When you are writing or typing you can look back and edit your thoughts. You can correct a few errors, re-word something to make more clear or just 'flow' better. You can double-check your words before you hit 'send' or pop that letter in a mailbox.
You can even take out the unnecessary parts or words, otherwise known as the 'I really shoudn't have said that' portions.
I, for one, am horrible at saying goodbye. I know I come across as 'chatty' in life. I do like to talk. But, I know I always make my 'goodbyes' too long. I want to give myself a chance to say what I think I should say in a coversation, without saying something wrong. I don't want to leave any stone unturned, all the while trying not to my foot stuck in my mouth. Again.
Lord knows I have spent the better part of my life with my foot in my mouth.
And, like most things in life, isn't a conversation more 'quality' than 'quantity?' I would like to think it is, but I can drag a conversation out way past the point of decency in order to try and cover all my bases. It's not that I even think the other person in the conversation is a bad listener. I'm just a bad 'talker.'
I think I just want them to understand that I really can relate to them. In reality, I probably bore most of them to tears at times. I've actually seen that 'look' in someone's eyes when I can only assume they are thinking that the conversation should have ended sooner. They are probably thinking, "Exactly how long can this lady talk about this?" It doesn't matter what it is. I will beat the subject to death with my words.
Then, I still won't let it die.
Yet, oddly enough, I still kick myself for things every single day that I wish I had said. We were at the home of some friends and they had us and another family over for dinner. It really was a lot of fun. When it was time to leave, we did. The kids were tired, David and I were tired. I really felt like we left too quickly for my taste, yet not quickly enough for my tired family.
But, on the way home, I couldn't stop myself from thinking that I wish I had taken a moment to say a proper goodbye to our friends and the other family. Our friends walked us out, so maybe we did say enough niceties to them. The other family, however, must have just caught the blur us as we seemed to rush out the door.
Maybe they didn't think twice about it. After all, they have three kids too. Most people with kids know that actual 'small talk' or pleasantries with tired children are a rarity. When the kids are tired run, don't walk, to your car. If not, it just might get ugly.
Whatever the case, I feel I didn't hold up my end of the closing with that other family. God help them the next time we are together again. I'm sure I will get 'diarrhea of the mouth' and hold them hostage in one of my never-ending conversations. You know, just to make up for what I might have missed last night, or could possibly miss right then. Those poor people don't stand a chance.
It's most definitely a balancing act and I am, unfortunately, not too good at balancing things.
Just ask my checkbook.....