July 3, 2007

Sparkles and Mayonnaise

I had my follow-up appointment with 'Dr. Sparkley' today. (For those of you out of this particular email loop, he's my O.B.G.Y.N.!)

He said that my incisions look great and I can go back to my normal life with no restrictions....but don't tell my family!


I completely forgot to ask him for copies of the pictures, but he did show them to me. I want them so I can share them with all of you.
So you can know me that much better.

After said appointment we ran a few errands. I was taking a tour of Sam's Club when I stumbled across something that caught my eye:

I have been, up until today, completely unaware that such a thing even existed. I was completely oblivious to the fact that regular old mayo wasn't heavy enough for some people.

"Hey, sweetie. I see you're buying some mayo. Let's get the 'extra heavy' stuff instead. My @$$ just isn't large enough."

Do these people actually exist? To top it off, it only comes in a gallon size at Sam's Club! A full gallon of extra heavy mayonnaise....now all of my dreams have come true!

My @$$ is growing just looking at the picture! We don't even buy the regular stuff because I calculated the Weight Watcher's Points and a serving of the regular stuff is three points and the same amount of the light stuff is 1. Mayonnaise is something I'm willing to sacrifice for the sake of my thighs.

Perhaps the 'mayonnaise gods' were unhappy with my jokes, because a card table flew out the back of my parents' van when I opened the hatch and landed on the tops of my feet. They are now swollen and purple.

And I thought I had high insteps before....


wildtomato said...

Yes, those people actually exist. Those people are the same ones that threw a fit today at the fish and chips place in Morro Bay because they would have to pay $.25 for an extra tub of tartar sauce. Who can eat that much tartar sauce? Why, the same people who eat extra heavy mayo.

Leann I Am said...

Wow. That's funny! If you really love tartar sauce THAT MUCH, wouldn't it be WORTH the extra QUARTER???